Welcome. My name is Anne Morshead author of Blind Drunk: Light at the end of the tunnel for anyone living with a loved one’s alcohol problem.’ Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog about my new book. This project is very special to me, and I hope to share some of the feelings with you here.
I’ll be using this blog to interact with you about Blind Drunk: Light at the end of the tunnel for anyone living with a loved one’s alcohol problem, expanding on some of the topics in it and posting on some of the ideas related to my book. A good place to get to know me , and I’m looking forward to getting to know you, too. What did you think of Blind Drunk: Light at the end of the tunnel for anyone living with a loved one’s alcohol problem? What questions do you have for me? How do you relate to my book?
I’ll be returning here frequently with new posts and responses to feedback from you. Until next time, tell me a little bit about yourself.
clare
September 17, 2013 at 10:32 pmAnne
I felt I had to get in touch,having just read your book, just to say thank you for making me rediscover myself again. the first paragraph of you’re book made me cry as I identified so much with what you said. Living with someone who is an alcoholic is so very hard, exhausting and I constantly find myself shifting from rescuer, perpetrator and victim. The idea of compassionate detachment has helped me so much to mentally remove my self from the chaos of trying deal with my husband’s illness.As you say, it is an illness,which only he has the power to control.
I would appreciate your advice as I have a family and do not have the money to ask him to leave, and to be honest, I love him and want to be with him. How do you manage this situation when you are together…I said to him the other day I am not going to mention his drinking anymore, it’s extremely difficult to adopt this stance after years of doing the complete opposite, but I can’t continue to monitor and support his failures without going mad myself. We have two children a boy and a girl, 12 and 7 and I have to be there for them. It is totally mentally and physically exhausting, and I could feel I was losing control of me. But it’s getting the balance and since saying this to him his drinking has escalated, again you mention this adjustment is not welcomed by the alcoholic and I can see he is out of his comfort zone. I am trying not to feel like I have let him off the hook?
It out book has made a positive impact on my life….thank you
Clare
amorshead
September 24, 2013 at 1:41 pmDear Clare,
First of all, I’m so sorry for the delay in replying (I am still getting used to having a website and managing it).
Thank you so much for your comments about my book and so sorry you are experiencing all the familiar difficulties, the agony is especially hard when you have children.
I think you should pat your self on the back, which I know sounds odd but from what you write you have made great progress already. You have started to detach (and with compassion) merely because you are aware that the problem is not connected to you. Yes, you have to live with it but you are regaining the power over your own life and taking steps to manage your life not his. Please don’t give up hope but also don’t expect too much too soon. It took a long time to develop and recovering oneself is a process. Practise small things that are relatively easy (saying you are never going mention his drinking again may not be true!!). Personally, I believe it is important to state that there is an alcohol problem and you want your husband to do something about his drinking (unfortunately, you now know you can’t do anything about his drinking but only about your actions). It is very, very difficult I know and of course, we all take one step forward and two back.
I have found Al-Anon extremely helpful. Despite many peoples’ ideas, it is not religious but a spiritual organisation for friends and families of problem drinkers (anonymous as it suggests – first names only). I know many don’t like the group scenario but it is great to feel among others who are saying and struggling with exactly the same feelings and problems as oneself. It may seem strange to begin with but soon becomes a safe and normal place where one can dip in and out of and try different meetings and places as it is more or less the same the world over.
You might like to look at Blind Drunk’s facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Anne-Morshead/337684086336095 where you can read some articles in the press and listen to my radio interviews. I say this only because I am better at interacting with it and you can keep in touch more easily.
There is so much hope as you have started on your way to changing your life and, most importantly, that of your children. The more you recover, the better chance your children have and your husband has. However, you can’t bear all the burden and so I do hope you find outside help to assist you. I hoped that my book would be a first step for anyone at the end of their tether but speaking is so much more powerful than reading.
Keep in touch
With very best wishes for your future
Anne